Flaky 19-year-old bridesmaid leaves aunt on read leading up to her wedding, ends up cut from the bridal party: "I'm being treated as an afterthought"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Apr 20, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

19-year-olds aren't known for making the brightest of choices or for their award-winning ability to handle compicated social situations. At that age, people are still trying to figure out how to smoothly handle friend and family dynamics. Sometimes, they don't even attempt to deal with stressful situations at all. It certainly isn't unusual for young people to ignore their problems until they come to a head. This is usually followed by consequences and a learning moment. Eventually, we all learn how to communicate and ask for help. Well, most of us.

In our story today, a bride-to-be includes her 19-year-old niece in her bridal party. The teen seems excited at first, but eventually ends up ghosting our protagonist as the date of the wedding approaches. Wanting to be surrounded by supportive people that care about her on her wedding, she releases her niece from her bridesmaid duties. Scroll down to get all the details. 

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  • 01

    WIBTA for removing my 19-year-old niece as a bridesmaid because she forgot about dress shopping?

    Cheezburger Image 10496092928
    via KrisCole

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    So I (30F) am getting married later this year and asked my 19-year-old niece to be one of my bridesmaids. She was really excited at the time, and I've made an effort to keep everyone in the loop with wedding plans.
    via u/FlibbertyNiblet
  • 03
    At the beginning of this month, I sent out a group message reminding everyone of the date we were going wedding dress shopping. I also followed up with individual reminders since it's a big deal to me and I wanted to make sure everyone could make it or at least let me know if not.
    via u/FlibbertyNiblet
  • 04
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    via madisonwi

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  • 05
    Fast forward to this week - I mentioned it again, and my niece genuinely had no idea what I was talking about. Okay, annoying, but people forget things, I can understand that. What I don't understand is what's happened since.
    via u/FlibbertyNiblet
  • 06
    She's completely ignored me. She hasn't replied to any messages. She's left my texts on read. She's ignored my calls. And yet, she is answering calls from my dad (her granddad), even telling him she'd call me and then not doing it. -
    via u/FlibbertyNiblet
  • 07
    At this point, it's not even about forgetting the date. It's the ignoring me afterwards that's really hurtful. This is a special time in my life, and I feel like I'm being treated like an afterthought. I don't want to
    via u/FlibbertyNiblet
  • 08
    deal with flakiness and silence in the lead-up to what should be a happy time, especially not from someone who agreed to be a part of the wedding party.
    via u/FlibbertyNiblet
  • 09
    Cheezburger Image 10496093952
    via Ivan_Galashchuk

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 10
    So now I'm seriously considering removing her as a bridesmaid. I'm not even mad anymore, just kind of done. But part of me feels guilty because she's young, and maybe I'm overreacting? WIBTA if I take her out of the bridal party?
    via u/FlibbertyNiblet
  • 11
    CSurvivor9 NTA. I can see flaking because she's young. But ghosting you is wrong. Just text her something like, "Hey, I'm getting the impression you really don't want to be a bridesmaid. That's okay. No hard
    via u/CSurvivor9
  • 12
    feelings. I'll have someone else step in for you. We'll still have fun at the wedding." Then she can either text back and reclaim her spot and talk to you or she won't and you replace her. Maybe she has some social anxiety thing, and she's freaking out over it.
    via u/CSurvivor9

  •  Our protaognist is right to cut her niece from the bridal party and release her from her duties in any case, but a conversation definitely needs to be had between the two.

  • 13
    Disastrous Disastrous This is the way. 19 year olds are flaky AF these days. I look at my son (19) and future step daughter (18) both reasonably responsible, level headed kids, and have their crop together a bit better than average over most of their peers and
    via u/Disastrous_Photo_388
  • 14
    yet they are off in their own little world and cannot seem to focus on anything not immediately in their personal interests and line of sight. Make it clear she's about to lose her spot because this is a role and event that is important to you and you need your bridal party to be reliable.
    via u/Disastrous_Photo_388
  • 15
    Busy-Persimmon-748 Honestly I feel a lot of these responses are being too generous to the 19 year old, yes she's young but she's not 12.
    via u/Busy-Persimmon-748
  • 16
    If she has social anxiety or something then it's both her duty to inform others who could be impacted and for those who are impacted (and know about it) to adjust as they can or decide this is not the role for her currently. That's life unfortunately.
    via u/Busy-Persimmon-748
  • 17
    If it's not this and she's just avoiding dealing with stuff - drop her. If she's managed to pass school, submit papers, get to exams, hold a job and/or communicate with other people - she is more than able to answer some texts, calls and remember a date to go shopping.
    via u/Busy-Persimmon-748
  • 18
    Ohtherewearethen I completely agree with you. This adult is allowed to access anything on the internet, carry a g in, join the army, vote, get married, drive (although not drink alcol of course,
    via u/Ohtherewearethen
  • 19
    because that's way more harmful than giving kids guns, apparently) yet she is too young to be expected to have the basic courtesy to say, 'Actually, no thank you'. She can get in the J bin.
    via u/Ohtherewearethen
  • 20
    Brid
    via GladiusStock

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 21
    janlep This is good advice. She may not want to participate anymore and not know how to tell you.
    via u/janlep

  • It certainly sounds like the teen wants what she wanted. I'm not sure who else is a bridesmaid, but if the bridal party is made up of our protagonist's friends, being the youngest might be really anxiety-inducing. 

  • 22
    CSurvivor9 I can't tell you how many times I got excited for something, and as it approached, began to dread it. I normally followed through, but sometimes cancelled. That's what made me think she might be panicking and not know how to talk to the OP about it. I dont really know, but sometimes better to err on the side of caution.
    via u/CSurvivor9
  • 23
    rockology_adam NTA. This is definitely a situation where she maybe isn't mature enough to handle being responsible to someone else. It's important to note that that's what this is. It's less about the dress and much more about the communication. Joining the
    via u/rockology_adam
  • 24
    wedding party comes with a responsibility to the bride, and while we can debate back and forth whether that requires $5k bachelorette vacations and 3 million dollar dresses, what is easily and unquestionably part of it is staying in communication with the bride and letting her know about any and all issues you may have.
    via u/rockology_adam
  • 25
    Your cousin may have a work shift she can't get out of on the dress shopping date. For a teenager, that's not strange. If this is a job she needs or wants to keep, it might mean missing that particular
    via u/rockology_adam
  • 26
    appointment. And that would be ok if she told you this ahead of time so that you and she could work something out. She doesn't have to be at your beck and call. She does have to answer your calls.
    via u/rockology_adam
  • 27
    Anxious_Audience_743 She's too immature to be a bridesmaid and clearly doesn't understand that being a bridesmaid comes with responsibilities. Wouldn't be surprised if she thought being a bridesmaid means going to the bachelorette party and standing at the front
    via u/Anxious_Audience_743
  • 28
    during the ceremony and that's it. And I fully expect her to act as a regular guest rather than a bridesmaid on the day of the wedding as well. OP should just drop her now if she doesn't want herself or her other bridesmaid to deal with the extra stress that comes with having a flaky 19 year old as a bridesmaids.
    via u/Anxious_Audience_743
  • 29
    mileyxmorax NTA, she hasn't showed any interest or care since you first told her you've reached out many times and she's ignoring you, it's your wedding and you deserve for things to be done properly, tel her if she doesn't want to do it it's ok but she should tell you
    via u/mileyxmorax
  • 30
    CoDaDeyLove NTA. I am a very responsible adult, but I could see my 19 year old self flaking out on bridesmaid duties. She probably has no idea what goes into planning a wedding. And just think, when she gets married, hopefully you will be too busy to be in her wedding. Going as a guest is a lot more fun.
    via u/CoDaDeyLove

Tags

family drama bride groom wedding party AITAH bridesmaids teenagers niece relationships raising teens wedding couples aunt love family
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